Thanksgiving has come and gone...that’s the way most things go, right? Normal at its best. I hope you had a blessed one.
Our day was lovely. We spent the day with family and friends, raked an abundance of colorful, crunchy leaves out of the yard, had a load of firewood delivered, and finished the evening off with leftovers, football ado, and overnight company snuggled in. It was a beautiful day, God showed up and did what He’s known for...working all things together for the good.
I won’t pretend it was perfect, but can you tell me of a day which actually is? Wrapped up within our day were disappointments and uncomfortable moments sprinkled with a healthy dose of laughter and joy. Good memories made in spite of it all. And leftovers. Yummy!
I kept myself busy all week long, doing and giving, then today I purposefully paused. I’ve learned that eventually I must stop taking care of everyone else and doing all the things - and simply tend to myself. Sure, there were things calling my name today, but I know me well enough to realize I can’t give from empty. That is an important lesson to learn but has been a difficult one for me. Missing loved ones drains me just as much as giving more than I have in reserve.
With God’s help first and foremost, I held myself together through the Thanksgiving holiday and kept a smile on my face for the most part. However, I’ve experienced a wide range of emotions as different little things would happen and catch me off guard. I was actually in the middle of a sentence today and the tears exploded out of nowhere. I can smile till the cows come home, but I’ve learned I have to pay attention to that underlying tug somewhere along the way. I suppose in a way, the lingering emotions are kind of like leftovers.
I won’t say I still struggle daily with overwhelming grief, but grief is always there. I suppose it always will be; we learn to live around it. The holidays are perfect times for fresh grief waves to peak too. For every memory we make and enjoy during times like these, there are also memories we can no longer make. It seems we cherish the memories with those whom we’ve lost much more; probably because that’s all we have left to hold onto. Leftovers.
Our son’s birthday came and went. I can count on less-than-one hand the number of people who actually mentioned him to me. If you’ve lost, you totally understand the pain behind that. I’d rather shed a tear knowing someone remembered, than for the day to go by as if he never existed. It’s nice to hear his name and for someone to remember him and say so. A gift to me. Am I the only one? My husband and I served at church in his honor, then spent the remainder of the day alone, just being there for each other. Remembering. Loving. Taking care of ourselves. It’s alright to do both.
My sister got out my Mamaw’s well-used apron this week and wore it while she cooked her Thanksgiving dinner. Memories. Honoring those gone on ahead of us. It’s ok to remember, and even more so to say so. Her and I both had identical cranberry salads on our tables — just like Mom always made at Thanksgiving. (She hasn’t been gone quite a year yet.)
I guess what I’m saying is that as much as we enjoy our lives during the holidays, we also experience grief and heaviness. Thus the need for my day of self-care. We cannot continually run from the emotions which come along with loss; it must be heeded and tended to in a healthy way.
Anything which is shoved under a rug or not dealt with, will be stumbled over eventually...it WILL be dealt with one way or another.
Do we just throw all the leftover food away at the end of Thanksgiving day? In our family, we usually eat on it for a few days. Don’t waste any food! It was always kind of a comical saying we used with my Papaw. We’d always tell him, “Papaw, you better eat it. It’s going in the trash if not!” He’d just smile real big and take another serving or two. Deal with it.
During this season, it’s great to have fun and enjoy our times together. And, when we go through difficult moments, it’s okay too, because it’s normal. It’s alright to cry, to remember, to shut down for a day and regroup. I often hear people say, “Your loved one wouldn’t want you to...” and I say that my loved ones would want me to do exactly what I’ve done. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving day and the leftovers; I’ve also been saddened because of their absence.
Love allows for that. It is well.
If you’re feeling the weight of loss or know someone who is, normalize the fact that it’s alright to experience both joy and sadness. Its normal. It’s a really heavy burden to carry and hold all the sadness inside. We weren’t designed to carry that! Give grace and space enough for loved ones to be remembered, for those feelings associated with loss to be validated...then let us enjoy being with you too. Share in both our smiles and tears. And our leftovers.
Thank you. God bless those who are dealing with grief this holiday season. You are not alone!
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