"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." Psalms 16:11
Fear, grief, holidays…
I’ve been quite apprehensive this last week. Actually, I’ve been overly sensitive and hesitant about the coming holidays. Mostly, because of those persons who are no longer with us and won’t be joining us this year. Some have been gone for a long time, others more recently.
Honestly, I’ve not even been able to muster up any excitement about the coming season. I’ve actually been dreading it — to the point of wishing to skip it entirely and instead start the new year of ‘23 off.
I don’t know exactly when it began but, especially this week, I noticed I was wordless, agitated, withdrawn and blah. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What was the problem? Holidays have been extremely hard for the last five years and I just need it not to be that way any more. Doesn’t every person under the sun want to smile and enjoy a normal time together this time of year? Isn’t that near the top of most everyone’s wish list? True story: it will be ever be normal again in the sense I once knew it. That's been hard for me to adjust to and accept. (Slow learner!)
While some are cheerful and on top of the moon with happiness this time of year, others have to dig deep to even find a smile. We’re all on different journeys and deal with life issues which are less than desirable. We all hurt. We all experience disappointment along our roads of life. We all feel alone sometimes. We’re all living in flesh and in a fallen world. Nothing is perfect! Those Hallmark movies are indeed too good to be true, don’t be fooled. (And no, I haven’t watched any this year, and probably won’t.)
Today, I realized that I was being robbed! Literally, but not in the ordinary sense of the word.
While I’m dreading the coming holidays (and with some justification), while I’m missing loved ones who have gone on, while I’m trying to figure life out, while I’m trying to work through emotions of real-life situations, while I’m trying to grin and bear it…I’m missing out on something very important.
This is a hold up!
What’s being robbed is my present. Precious moments and memories which I should be making today with my people. While I’m dreading the holiday season without certain family members present, and I think this is a normal part of grief, I’m being robbed of enjoying the memories we’ve already made together. While I’m afraid of how this or that may turn out, or how he or she may think of me, I’m being robbed of the security of knowing who God is and who He says I am.
This is a hold-up and I’m being robbed of the joy that God makes available to me right here.
Ugh! I hate when I get blindsided and don’t rightfully and dutifully guard my heart and my thoughts. It’s so easy to be overcome with fear to the point that we’re paralyzed from being able to enjoy anything good life offers. (Every good and perfect gift comes from above!) It’s too easy to hear the lies and believe them instead of the truth. Then, I have to get back up again.
It might not be done with ease, but I’m on my way back up with a new determination. I was robbed but I’m taking back what’s mine. I’m turning the tables and doing a hold-up of my own. With God on my side, I don’t have to fear or fret about being victorious.
Today, I felt His presence gently sweep into my home and hug me tightly. He whispered the truth to me about who and Whose I am. He reminded me of His character and that He is writing my story. Every detail! He reminded me of His endless abilities and that I’m not alone. I CAN enjoy this holiday season…even if, still, and even though.
This is a hold-up! I’m back and taking back what’s been stolen (or what was given too easily!) from me.
We don’t always get it the first, or the hundredth, time around, do we? Lucky for us, God is patient and willing to keep fighting for us and will never leave us even when we’re at our weakest and lowest points. Often, He will send someone into our lives to help encourage and pray for us in those moments too -- the hands and feet of Jesus. Aren't we thankful for those souls! A gift from God during our times of floundering.
If you find yourself feeling like I’ve been, be encouraged today and know God is in control. It doesn't make everything "feel" better, but it does bring a dose of hope our weary hearts need. No, we may not be bubbling over with cheer, but we can experience joy even if. True, we may be weak but we have God and each other on our rescue team. No lady (or man) left behind!!! The enemy of our souls is a coward and throws darts at our weakest points, he waits until we're worn out and tired; then he gives it his best effort to beat us down. True story!
Our holidays might not be everything we planned or anticipated for them to be, and grief certainly plays its role; but let’s remember to be there for one another and also know that God is present. Let's gather together this year and set up a stake-out. We can't allow fear and lies of the enemy to rob us of our joy because that is our strength to keep standing -- or to help us get back up again.
This is a hold-up!
Many blessings to you and yours this holiday season~